


You Loved Me and I Froze in Time (I'm Falling to Pieces)

by PonderingsAndWritings



Series: We Are Children that Need to Be Loved [2]
Category: Descendants (Disney Movies), The Isle of the Lost Series - Melissa de la Cruz
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PonderingsAndWritings/pseuds/PonderingsAndWritings
Summary: She needs someone to understand the humming in her veins and the struggle of her life on the Isle, in Maleficent’s care. He is patient and kind and loving, but he can’t do that.He needs someone to untangle the complicated mess of bureaucracy and be a patient listener. The calm to his own storm and insecurities, his soul’s haven. She is fire and passion and action. She listens and cares and protects him, but she can’t do that.She loves him fiercely, though. She holds on to their moments and lets them teach her love and companionship. She relishes it while it lasts.





	You Loved Me and I Froze in Time (I'm Falling to Pieces)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an intermediary work regarding Mal's relationship with Ben. They do fit well together and I do see it as I ship both Bal and Malvie, but one of the things they'd need to work on would be trying to be what the other needs. 
> 
> I tried to convey my thoughts about this relationship, which boil down to: it could work if both took time to figure out who they are because they could fit very well. Or they could probably learn from each other and grow, but take different paths.
> 
> Given the emphasis to magic and personal growth in this canon divergent universe, I chose the second way for this relationship.

 

Her consciousness slowly returns, pushing through the black abyss to dim lights. Her eyes still flinch at the sudden appearance of light and close once more.

Her head throbs with a dull ache and she grits her teeth. She hates headaches more than anything else. They take over your head and you can think of nothing but your own brain hurting. And you can’t exactly press a wet cloth to your actual brain matter, so what is the point?

She breathes in to clear her thoughts a little. Headache or not, she needs to concentrate.

_Nothing hurts. Lungs are intact, that’s good._

She tries to move her fingers and toes. No problem. Good. Except she can feel a warm hand in her own left palm. Her eyes flutter open again. Lifting her head slightly, she notices dark blue strands of hair covering the white blanket and finally realises that the extra weight across her midriff is not because the blanket itself is weighted.

Evie is resting peacefully, her breaths creating a rhythmic pattern as Mal starts to time them and a smile takes over her face. At least her best friend is here. Wherever here is.

She feels the mattress fluffy yet firm underneath her and lifts her head slightly to notice an exit door made of fine polished oak opposite the bed. Next to the door, a small whiteboard has some scribbles on it. She thinks she can make out a heart as she squints, but it is mostly covered by the night’s shadows. The room is decorated with flowers and fancy paintings.

_At least they had the good sense to not ship me off to the Isle asleep. Beating off Uma’s goons in this state wouldn’t have been easy._

Glancing about once more she notices the sleeping forms of Carlos and Jay squished together in a small chair. Jay’s head is resting on Carlos’s and she thinks she can see drool falling from Jay’s mouth. Carlos is curled into his boyfriend, hands still stuffed inside his own hoodie’s pockets, and is lightly snoring.

_Note to self: get Carlos a pair of gloves he can wear to bed. That kid gets too cold._

On her right, she spies a couple of chests rising and falling in a familiar sleeping pattern. Discarded containers litter the floor around the slumbering form of Freddie. The girl’s hair is untangled and her arms have enough room to be akimbo. Blissfully passed out on the floor as she is, she looks like a drunk Hook. Which is ironic because Mal notices Harriet a few feet away, mouth open and mumbling and curled into herself like a cat. Her maroon coat has been turned into a makeshift pillow and her hands are tucked underneath it, but Mal is certain she can see a scabbard protruding from the the coat itself.

Mal doesn’t blame her. Some habits you can’t break from the Isle and, even in Auradon, if she didn’t have magic, she’d be clutching her sword in her sleep too.

She hears a slight rustling and feels Evie’s form climbing higher to reach her neck and nuzzle into it.

“You’re awake,” her best friend’s raspy voice reaches her ear and makes her smile, as she turns her head to stare at the blue curls now adorning her chest rather than the white blanket.

“Everything okay?” she whispers back, mindful of the snoring boys in one corner, Jay in particular. His insane reflexes simply mean that he could be waking up any second now and judging from the fact that none of them are conscious to keep watch, they are all exhausted.

Her brother could use the sleep.

“We were worried,” Evie murmurs into Mal’s neck. “How are you feeling?”

Mal takes a moment to breathe in. Physically she knows she hasn’t sustained any injuries, but she is aware that is not what Evie’s asking her.

She closes her eyes and thinks of blood running in her veins. There. She can feel it. The rush underneath her skin is calmer, possibly tamer due to its barely controllable release earlier, but always present. It feels a bit different, however. Almost as if not burning Chad Charming to a crisp had been a self-imposed test that her magic had set her and the moment she determined he wasn’t worth her precious dragon breath, the dangerous edge of her fire had been retracted.

She can’t even tell if it is ever going to be coming back. In the past few weeks, it had been looming in her subconscious, blue tinged fire licking the tips of her fingers when she hadn’t been paying attention. It ruined furniture, drawings, even her hair.

She files the matter to discuss it with Merlin, if she sees him before she’s kicked out, but she doubts the razor edge of her magic is returning. It’s a feeling of certainty she’s never had before now.

“Calm.” Her eyes crack open to Evie’s face looking up at her from her shoulder.

A lazy smile takes over he best friend’s features and her chocolate eyes grow impossibly soft, a hint of moisture beginning to form at the corners of her eyelids.

Mal raises her thumb to wipe the tears away, but frowns in guilt.

“So.” Might as well stop beating around the bush. “Back to the Isle?”

She hears Evie chuckle and tighten her hold around her waist.

“Not if they know what’s good for them,” she says with a confidence and smugness that makes Mal shiver.

 _It’s annoying how no one knows how ruthless you could be if you wanted to_.

She’s both afraid of the trouble the girl got herself into for her and incredibly proud of whatever it was precisely because it is trouble and she’s Evie and it’s bound to be great.

“E,” she hesitates before feeling a kiss being pressed to her shoulder.

“Sleep, M. We’re alright. We’re not going anywhere.” 

Contrary to her own wishes, Mal’s eyes obey Evie more than her brain right now and begin to droop. She hangs in the brink of sleep, waiting for Evie’s breathing to grow deeper and relaxes when her best friend’s body loosens its tight hold.

Mal is ready to enter dreamland, when a whisper reaches her ears.

“Be proud. She killed it. Metaphorically, of course.”

 _Note number 2: Buy Jay noise cancelling headphones. He needs sleep_.

 

* * *

 

The next day she hears all about the eviscerating speech Evie delivered to the pompous weasel.

She feels like transforming in the middle of the story when she hears about Chad opening his mouth again, but Evie’s hand in hers deters any such plan.

“- and then she totally walked out on all of them and left them standing there like, um…”

“Captain Hook with his trousers down hearing the croc’s clock ticking?”

“Ew, Jay. That is not an image I wanted in my head,” Freddie’s nose crinkles.

“Try witnessing it,” Harriet deadpans.

Dude barks out as Carlos rolls on the floor laughing and Mal feels Evie shake in laughter next to her.

“So.” Mal utters and all the heads in the room turn to her.

“I probably owe Ben and Queen Elsa thank you cards?” She tilts her head in thought of what colours the ice queen would enjoy. Is ice white a colour she could make? Isn’t ice transparent?

She shakes her head. She’ll talk it through with Carlos and Evie later.

“Can we still take that transparent super glue Carlos made in Chem and cover Chad’s seat in the cafeteria?” Jay asks with a smirk.

“You really want to see someone with their pants down, huh?” Freddie grins maniacally.

“Gross. I have a boyfriend.”

The VKs break into laughter and as Mal reaches for a blueberry tart from the get-well-soon basket Fairy Godmother brought in the wee morning hours, she feels a new sense overwhelm her.

Her magic sneaks from her veins to her skin, travelling along her arms and torso. It pulses like it’s laughing along with her.

Smile taking over he face, she tucks into the tart. She’s pretty sure Merlin will approve of whatever just happened.

 

* * *

 

Merlin is ecstatic. He tells her that means her magic has quelled and must be more comfortable in her own skin now and Mal agrees because she feels it.

“It still thrums, though. It’s not as urgent or terrifying, but it’s there.”

“Remember when I told you that magic is your companion, Mal?” Merlin scratches his beard and gives her a proud look, which just confuses her.

“Yeah?”

“Magic is a living breathing thing, Mal. It grows with you, inside of you, and breathes with you. It used to react on its own when you needed it most, like it did with your mother or Uma. When you really wanted to protect your family. You knew you could not deny your magic and you came to me to learn how to understand it and control it, correct?”

Mal nods and he smiles at her.

“This incident with Chad? Your magic listened to you. It learned it must obey your will to not hurt others. Simply put: It taught your magic that it cannot deny you. If anything, it will be more present now because it accepted you as part of it too.”

And logically that should not make sense, but Mal feels her magic agree.

All this time it felt like she has been trying to catch up with a lightning fast current of electricity. Now, the current has made a U-turn and entered her body, only to sit down warm and comfortable in her chest. 

She smiles back at Merlin.

“So, what’s next?”

 

* * *

 

 

She has magic lessons on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with the occasional Saturday thrown in as per council request. Those are usually attended by Fairy Godmother who hires Jane to help her out with progress notes to be submitted to the newly elected Magic Awareness Panel. 

Jay spent an entire goodness class trying to come up with a puny alternative, only for Evie to sneak up on him during lunch and pronounce it DERP for Definitely Efficient Royal Pompousness.

Mal spat out her lemonade into Harriet’s burger and they got into a food fight. It was totally worth it.

It’s not until a month after the Chad incident that Ben asks her to escort him to another gala. This one is being held in Agrabah as a celebration for the flying carpet’s achievements.

Turns out part of DERP is accepting innate magic in objects while they refuse to look Mal in the eye as they go over her progress reports for fear she’ll burn them. Ben says it’s a start. Mal silently traces the blue veins on her wrists, running through her dragon tattoo and sighs. Her magic whispers across her skin.

She agrees to join him.

So here she is in a stunning new lilac gown that Evie has made for her, sipping apple juice and shoving herself in the furthest corner of the room.

Ben has been discussing the merits of carpet versus carriage travel with Jane Porter, which Mal can’t understand since the woman lives in the freaking jungle. To each his own, she supposes, but she excused herself to the bathroom during that discussion and returned to the room as stealthily as she could to avoid Ben seeing her.

Ben has been a royal magnet this evening. She just wants to not be metal.

After all, it’s been a few excruciating hours of hearing story after story of how the carpet’s flights have helped discover new oases and dilapidated buildings full of exciting relics and Mal is exhausted.

“Someone looks like they’re having fun,” she turns to notice a stunning blonde woman in a white and pale blue gown glide up next to her. Her hair is a brilliant snow white, resting in smaller locks above her forehead to slowly weave into a classic braid reaching her chest. 

Her exterior looks cold but her blue eyes are warm and welcoming and Mal senses the deep purple and fiery red of her magic reach out to the blue aura radiating from the woman.

It puts her at ease immediately.

“Queen Elsa,” she smiles genuinely at the woman who grins back. She raises her left arm subtly and waves in the air, small snowflakes clinging to the empty space where Mal can feel her magic reaching towards the Queen's.

The snowflakes momentarily fix into the shape of a fountain before dissipating. Mal can sense her magic returning to her, humming _we can trust her_ in her chest.

“I loved the card,” the Queen offers.

Mal grins and relaxes for the first time this evening.

“I could do better, but I wanted to get it to you in time. Wouldn’t be a great thank you if it had been delayed for five months,” Mal replies.

“A creative soul. That’s always a good thing for magic,” Queen Elsa nods.

Mal stares into the empty space for a second and gives in. She asks about auras and how Elsa knew and the Queen laughs and starts explaining how her own powers feel. A complex picture of icy tendrils reaching from her brain to her fingertips is what comes to Mal’s mind from her description. Tiny invisible fractals hovering around Elsa's temples, slowly congregating into ice the stronger the Queen calls on her magic. Ultimately, the moment the Queen flicks her wrist, the snow glides forth effortlessly, sprouting into visible sparkly snowflakes for all to see.

She wishes she had her sketchbook with her. Queen Elsa will be receiving another canvas within the month, though, because that sounds awesome.

The end of the night finds her and Ben in the royal carriage, arm in arm. He’s talking about all the new regulations the sultan has created for magic carpet flights in and out of Tarzan’s jungle. That explains the debate with Jane earlier, but her mind is too preoccupied with thoughts of fractals to focus.

The discussion has filled her with energy and enthusiasm and she’s giddy to return to her dorm to share her findings with Evie. Her best friend makes her describe the colours every time she comes up with an idea and they sit together for hours mixing paint, trying to approximate Mal’s vision.

It’s one of her favourite things.

“Hey,” she feels his lips touch her temple and blinks. “Are you okay?”

She nods and smiles. He laces their fingers together and she rests her head on his chest. Ben is comfortable to be around. He’s brave and kind and a good listener, but lately she hasn’t been craving spending time with him as often. She’d rather be in hiding in the basement writing down horror stories with Freddie or getting ice cream with Carlos or working out with Jay or doing nothing with Evie because they always come up with something.

She feels guilty thinking like this when Ben has been nothing but understanding and accepting of her and so have Belle and Beast. She snuggles into his chest more and resolves to try and spend more time with him. She loves him. She owes them as much.

 

* * *

 

She’s muttering angrily over a dusty tome. The notebook page next to her is filled with scribbles and mocking one-liners at the old timey language. Merlin knows creature identification is not her favourite thing. Her phone dings with a message, but she is too busy writing down the diet of flying monkeys to check.

She’d prefer just learning all she can about dragons and getting it over with, but he insists that the more magical beings in Auradon, the more the overall aura of magic would go haywire and start producing new unicorns.

 _Magic is a living breathing thing, Mal. If it finds acceptance, it grows_.

She hates that she has memorized that reply now. Another ding goes ignored as she groans and rests her head on the pages.

“Hey, you okay?”

 _I should have been paying more attention. Thank God this is not the Isle_.

She turns her head to see Carlos, poking his head inside the room and looking slightly worried.

“You didn’t hear my knock,” he explains.

“Yeah, you can blame stupid lethargic fungi for that,” she closes the tome with a thud and gets up to stretch.

“Ready for ice cream?” he asks as she reaches for her jacket.

“Only if you don’t talk my ears off about the scientific explanations for poison breathing raccoons,” she smirks and nudges his shoulder as he chuckles.

Her phone goes forgotten as they start to bicker about radioactivity causing Wonderland’s colours and the messages are left unread.

 

* * *

 

She tries to make time. She tries. Ben tries too. But Ben is a King and she is learning how to be herself and they get a few hours a week together so they just sit and talk about his duties or her lessons. They go on walks and boat rides and it’s nice and romantic and fun. Mal enjoys it. She likes knowing Ben loves her the way she is. She knows the Isle is part of her now. She just doesn’t mention that she’s confused about who the rest of her is.

They discuss how something might affect them and what they should do to avoid it or deal with it.

They talk about their childhood. About Auradon and the Isle and Ben tries to understand how it feels to not have. She can see him making mental notes on things to improve in the Isle and how to best reform the introduction of the VKs to Auradon.

She loves that about him. His eyes get all excited and soft and kind and he listens.

Mal knows he loves her. She loves him too. That’s why she waits. 

* * *

 

She waits for the moment when Ben will understand the magic thrumming through her. She starts to fear that moment will never come. She shows him the paintings and he listens to her. He tells her about his experience of being Beast’s son, of his heritage. Ben can’t transform, however. The magic was never in his father’s blood. It was bestowed. Beast was never Fae. Maleficent is. Mal is.

Ben is the King of Auradon. Even though he prefers cuddling up to the fire with a book like his mother, his place is on the throne and the important point is that he is really great at it and he chooses to do it because he feels he should. He is a phenomenal listener and an excellent diplomat. He does not thrive in the spotlight, but he knows how to handle it to make things better for those who need it.

Mal is not for this kind of spotlight. She only knows some things about herself. Like she became strong because she had to protect herself, her gang, prove herself to her mom. Like she has difficulty asking for help but her friends love her anyway. Like she loves painting and learning about magic because it helps her learn who she is and what she can do. Like she is not made for Ben’s kind of life. She is not made for inspirational speeches and galas and fancy dresses every night.

She finds it better sketching her messages on the margins of her friends’ books and hanging out with them at the docks or at the ice cream parlor. She prefers her leather jacket, even though she’ll wear a dress when she needs to.

The galas continue for a year and so does Mal. For about a year.

She has tried being what Ben wants and it didn’t work. So, she tries being what Ben needs. Someone who listens and cares for him and loves him. She is good at it until she realizes she only does it when she has time outside of the rest of her life: their lives do not coincide.

She wants to spend time with her friends, learning about life with them by her side. She wants to go laser tagging with Jay and spend endless nights on the rooftop with Freddie and talk Evie out of her nerves and design weird dresses for her so that she knows how talented she is when she hates them.  

Ben wants other things. He wants quiet nights in with pizza and a movie. He wants fencing matches and documentaries. He wants to spar with Lonnie and chat with Ally and have silly dances in the office when he’s not working.

And it is fun and it fills her with love for a while. Until she realizes that’s not what she needs.

He needs there for galas, but she starts resenting leaving her canvas. She wants him there for her magic lessons, but although he’s intrigued, he has to attend court.

They both try and they succeed in understanding each other. They love each other. But they need different things.

She needs someone to understand the humming in her veins and the struggle of her life on the Isle, in Maleficent’s care. She needs someone on par with her passion who will stay as she lashes out. He is patient and kind and loving, but he can’t do that.

He needs someone to untangle the complicated mess of bureaucracy and stand and smile and enter countless debates and be a patient listener. The calm to his own storm and insecurities, his soul’s haven. She is fire and passion and action. She listens and cares and protects him, but she can’t do that.

She loves him fiercely, though. She holds on to their moments and lets them teach her love and companionship. She relishes it while it lasts.

The moment he comes into the library to ask her what she thinks about an Isle regulation and she pats his head and listens to him vent without wanting to kiss him when he gets enraged about life on the Isle is the moment she knows she’s not in love with him anymore. He is her first love. One of her closest friends.

It hurts. She needs him in her life. She needs his influence and friendly words. She hopes he can remain in it forever because he has made her better. She hopes she gave him what he needed while they were together.

 

* * *

 

It’s seven months after the Chad incident on a random Sunday afternoon when she pauses her sketching.

“Ben?” she asks when he looks up from his sandwich, papers filled with statistics and graphs strewn around him.

She spies a post it note from Belle on his coffee cup that reads ‘Rest is for the Brave.’

Stifling a chuckle, she raises an eyebrow at the lettuce leaf hanging from the corner of his mouth.

He chuckles and catches it and takes another bite.

She takes a moment to enjoy this. She hopes they can have this quiet together for a long time. She likes it. It brings her piece in the way only he can.

“This event at Atlantis next week,” she starts. “I don’t think I can make it.”

He blinks at her. She sees the frown forming on his face as he sets his sandwich down.

He regards her for a minute. They say nothing. She sees his shoulders slump a bit in resignation.

He knows too.

“I love you, Mal,” he says.

“I love you too. You should move your sandwich. It’s on the reports from Cogsworth.”

He rushes to do exactly that as she chuckles and returns to her sketch.

Five months later, they break up. It’s as amicable as when they came together. Two souls who understand that they grew together as lovers, but can grow more together as friends.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this fic made sense and that my reasoning came across as intended. I feel I should elaborate a bit, though. 
> 
> Mal is passion and Ben is peace. 
> 
> Mal wakes him up and he calms her down. In theory, it should work. However, Mal immediately entered a relationship with him after a life under Maleficent's whims. She should have taken some time to figure herself out and understand what she wants. She knows she's strong and she wants her friends, but that's about all she has time to think of. She changed herself too much in the second movie and realised and left. I just don't buy the resolution that Ben sees her like she really is and all is well and good. She still has stuff to work through. 
> 
> Anyway. Please leave a kudos and/or a review if you enjoyed this! Sorry for any mistakes in grammar or syntax. I was typing this out quite quickly and wanted to upload as soon as I could. 
> 
> I hope to see you next time when we'll be going into the real stuff of our two girls (Mal & Evie) dealing with feelings.


End file.
